Human Speed Bumps

Of all the things I thought I’d be in my life, human speed bump never made the list. Turns out it should have.

This past year I turned 50 and a group of friends (The Lushes) and I went up to my family’s time share on Lake Chelan in eastern Washington. There were actually two of us in the group that passed the half-century mark in 2022 so it was a combined birthday celebration. That part of Washington produces some of the best wines in the US, so it was a natural fit for birthday shenanigans. 

True to our namesake we Lushes like our wine. With a plethora of wineries to choose from we managed to stay happy most of the time. One day as we were out on the wine trail, we stopped at a winery that had a lovely outdoor seating area at the base of a lush green hill. It was a beautiful day and it hadn’t rained much lately so the grass was fairly dry – a perfect day to enjoy the view. Or, in our case, to roll down that grassy hill. 

Full disclosure – this was our third stop that day so all of us but the driver were pretty “happy” by the time we got to this winery. Not long after we got settled on the patio and delved into the bottle of wine we shared, someone (I honestly have no idea who came up with it) suggested we walk up to the top of the hill and then roll down it. It seemed like a great idea to four of us. 

We ambled up the hill, laid down on the grass and proceeded to gently roll down the hill. Well, three of us did. That fourth one? She was as steamroller careening down that hill at top speed. The only thing that slowed her down, were the other three of us – we were her speedbumps. Each time she barreled over one of us, it made the rest of us laugh even harder, thus slowing our roll. Shockingly, no one was injured. Who knew a bunch of older chicks could manage that feat? Roll down a hill and not hurt a thing. Maybe it was the wine that loosened us all up, ‘cuz we are an orthopedic surgeon’s collective dream. Alas, no doctor made money off of us that day.

What about the other two? The driver was on the injured reserve list due to, you guessed it, an orthopedic issue, or five. The other one is clearly more sensible than the rest of us, but next time I don’t think we’ll let her get away with that excuse. And there will be a next time.

If you’ve never tried rolling down a hill like that as an adult, I highly recommend it. Nothing makes you feel more youthful than doing something with the reckless abandon of a three year old. It was pure, unadulterated fun. 

The moral of this story is simple – don’t be afraid to add human speed bump to your resume. It’s a certifiable blast!

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