Shannon R. Brown

My girl child is working on a project for one of her classes. As part of it, she has to interview someone from a very specific cultural subset. Before the interview is conducted, she must view some type of media related to the culture. Seeing as I’m from what some people refer to as a different world, Alaska, she chose to interview me.

In preparation for the interview we watched several episodes of the show Alaska State Troopers. Needless to say, this has been an incredibly entertaining endeavor. In case you’ve never watched this show, let me share a few of the things we’ve watched.

• Officers set-up a fake moose to see if hunters will shoot at it from the road way. They do.
• A man calls in a suspicious vehicle blocking a roadway. The caller was afraid to approach the driver because he “had a bad feeling.” When the trooper finds the truck, the driver, obviously an old timer that’s quite inebriated, asks the trooper if he is going to arrest him. Upon inquiring as to why he should be arrested the man responds, “because I’m breaking every law there is to break.” He then assumes the position remarking that he’s “a pro.” The man admitted that he hadn’t had a driver’s license in 30 years. In preparation for taking him in, the officer searched the man’s vehicle and found a flask. “Is there anything left in there?” the old timer asked, obviously expecting one last swig before being hauled off to the slammer.
• A man in the midst of being arrested says that jail is his house because “God made jail.” It must be noted that he was pulled over in a car that had the entire roof cut off, no hood, and a toboggan strapped to the car with a blond doll attached to it named “La Gorda.” “That’s my ex-wife.” The trooper refers to the car as an “Alaska convertible.”
• There’s only one K-9 unit in Fairbanks. The narrator says he’s, “very popular.” Probably doesn’t hurt that he’s kinda cute too.
• They have prohibition in some Alaskan towns. One bottle of vodka, bought in Anchorage for $50, sells for $400 in one of those towns.
• Every year there is an influx of prostitutes into Alaska from the lower 48 when it’s time for the Permanent Dividend checks to be issued to Alaskan residents. Turns out even ladies of the evening are migratory.

All of this was in one episode of the show. I’d love to tell you that the scenarios I’ve listed were fiction, or even exaggerated for the cameras, however I can’t. Because honestly, I have some stories of my own that rival a few of those found on Alaska State Troopers. What can I say? Alaska is chock full of larger than life characters.

So if you decide to visit Alaska, don’t forget to plan time to check out the wildlife. Animal AND human.